by christina britt lewis and timothy dean lewis the way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. this we all know. but good lord, peaceful parenting of little ones was the hardest thing we ever did. right now while they tell stories and eat waffles on a cold monday morning, i'm really happy we never tossed them out the window into a snow drift in new hampshire. it was that hard. this was my song... but now... we have teenagers who think we hung the moon. they are the most fun we have ever had. truth. i swear. i would so tell you. they open our eyes and change us. all the time. we learn as much from them as they have from us. we did not believe the lie that all teenagers despise and disrespect parents. believing that lie is self-fulfilling prophecy. and it is so status quo. the thing is, they learn best by example. and they know. kids know. remember? they know us better than anybody. who they think we are is pretty much who we really are. so spend more energy on being who you want them to be than on insisting they be who you want them to be. problems get solved when we focus on fixing ourselves rather than fixing other people. big bad ugly things are going to happen. but how we respond to those things is our choice. our soul sister, michelle mcconnell, has this to say about that. if you want them to be fun, be fun. if you want them to be respectful, be respectful. if you want them to be kind, be kind. if you want them to be fair, be fair. if you want them to be nonviolent, be nonviolent. if you want them to be empathetic, be empathetic. if you want them to be strong, be strong. if you want them to be socially adept, be socially adept. if you want them to be people who stand up for themselves, stand up for yourself. if you want them to be sacrificial, be sacrificial. if you want them to be interesting, be interesting. if you want them to be forgiving, be forgiving. if you want them to be selfless, be selfless. if you want them to be thoughtful, be thoughtful. if you want them to be people who stand up for others, stand up for others. if you want them to be happy, be happy. if you want them to be generous, be generous. if you want them to be people who use their power for good, use your power for good. if you want them to be calm, be calm. if you want them to be peaceful, be peaceful. sometimes you don't, but most of the time you get what you give. so this is my song now... every generation gets a chance to change the world. pity the nation that won't listen to your boys and girls. 'cause the sweetest melody is the one we haven't heard. is it true that perfect love drives out all fear? the right to be ridiculous is something i hold dear. oh but a change of heart comes slow... it's not a hill, it's a mountain, as you start out the climb do you believe me or are you doubting? we're gonna make it all the way to the light... baby...i know i'm not alone. if you look closely, that's us and our friends, jen and jason, in the 2nd row at 3:50 we get away with each other. often. leave your little ones in the loving hands of others so you have your hands free to carry a bag and a new book onto a plane headed to new york city to see your favorite band on letterman...or whatever makes YOU happy. happy parents are better parents. parents become happy when they remember that they are oh so much more than parents. children become more fun to live with when they realize that the whole wide world does not actually revolve around them. that is an illusion we create. that is a choice we make. and probably why many of them get so pissed when they become teenagers and realize we’ve been lying to them their whole little lives. so choose well. this is one day of a 31 day series about living in a peaceful home.
click here to read the rest of the series. peace be with you, tim christina cole camden george by christina britt lewis and timothy dean lewis photography by angela statzer and christina britt lewis it is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, or to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to paint and carve the very atmosphere and medium through which we look which morally we can do. to affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of the arts. from walden by henry david thoreau everyone is an artist if we choose to be. everyone is able to affect the quality of the day. we met in persuasive speech class spring quarter our freshmen year of college. he spent spring break in hawaii 'cause his dad is a pilot and they would just go to the airport packed for the beach and pick a flight that had enough open seats. he gets cold sores when he gets sunburned. he stood in front of the whole class and spoke words through cold sore covered lips that had us all laughing so hard we forgot how hideous he was. he persuaded me to fall madly in love with him without even trying. he made me laugh. he affected the quality of the day, the highest of the arts. we have been to hell and back since then. but even in hell on earth, he made me laugh. this is why we are still together. he is my best friend. i don't have a lot of friends. i'm not so easy to love. there are not a ton of people who really know me and choose to love me anyway. but the ones who do, they are stuck with me for life. he is stuck with me for life. no matter what. when most people have children, i imagine they hope that they will be healthy, smart...athletic? i don't know...we hoped that cole and camden would be fun. "what if they are boring?" was our biggest fear. and boring, they are not. we do wonder what would have happened if we had hoped for a life with no big bad ugly things. but we didn't. and this is our life. and as flawed as it is, there is nothing boring about it. i come from a family where we laughed so hard we shook the pew on sunday mornings. i have a family where we laugh so hard we shake the seats on airplanes... people who know us, know this. many ask us how we got here. "oh you just to go to hell and back" doesn't seem to be a popular answer. if you are in the middle of hell, keep going. you might not even be able to see the light yet, but it is there. just keep going. one day at a time. this is one of a 31 day series on living in a peaceful home.
click here to read the rest of the series. peace be with you, tim christina cole camden george by christina britt lewis and timothy dean lewis photography by angela statzer sometimes we forget to check the refrigerator magnets before my mom comes over. sometimes my mom reads the words and i feel like i'm all of twelve and in big trouble. sometimes there are wildly inappropriate sentences put together there. sometimes days after friends have been over for dinner we notice new sentences that totally crack us up. sometimes a lot of people come and go from our home and we never know who wrote what. sometimes i thank God for the three witty and hysterical men that i live with. sometimes we juice and always we drink coffee. sometimes we give george rawhide bones. sometimes we wonder what it would be like to go a day without literally laughing out loud... this is one day of a 31 day series about living in a peaceful home.
click here to read the rest of the series. peace be with you, tim christina cole camden george by christina britt lewis and timothy dean lewis we are so happy to be working on another project for safe alliance. making a home for the hopeful was one of the best things we ever did. this time we are redesigning the lobby to make it warm and cozy and happy. we want these courageous people to walk in and feel safe and loved. we went to a benefit lunch for safe alliance partners and supporters the other day. a couple told their story. strangers passed each other tissues as hundreds wept hearing about their grown daughter. she was smart, fun, kind, brilliant, successful, and beautiful. a sweet soul who called her grandfather every veteran's day to thank him for serving our country. she was the kind of child we all hope to have. and she was murdered. domestic violence crosses all boundaries. somebody you know is living in fear. children you know hide under the covers and pray to a God they are not so sure is there. sometimes you give and you give and you give and all you get is hurt. you know if this is you. please call the safe alliance hotline 704.332.2513 right now. you are not alone in this. BUT FOR MANY OF US... we don't fear being hurt. we fear being wrong. the life we say we want is right in front of us. we are our own problem. we are our own solution. stop waiting. if you want your marriage and family to change, be the change. do not keep hoping and waiting for the other one to make the first move. shock him. surprise her. wake him up. make her remember why she picked you. take him away for a long weekend. make all of the arrangements yourself and surprise her. you are POWERFUL. never underestimate your ability to change everything. marriane williamson said this better than anyone… our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. jesus, who taught shakespeare that brevity is the soul of wit, said… giving, not getting, is the way. this is one day of a 31 day series about living in a peaceful home. click here to read the rest of the series. peace be with you, tim christina cole camden george mirrors make a small space feel bigger and brighter. we hung them on inside walls opposite windows to double our view and bring the outside inside. we even hung one of those old sheet mirrors from a client's bathroom outside on the back of our garage to make our notsobig back yard feel bigger and brighter. it probably seems like a small thing, but catching a glimpse of sky and trees and nature when you are walking up the stairs is beautiful. there is no bad seat in the dining room because everywhere you look there is something meaningful, beautiful, or natural. the shaker rocking chair that tim built for me when i was pregnant with cole feels more important reflected in a mirror. the tight path behind the sofa feels big enough thanks to the illusion of space created by the mirrors. we have nothing in our home that we don't know to be useful or think to be beautiful, and to see that all reflected makes us happy.
this is one day of a 31 day series about living in a peaceful home. click here to read the rest of the series. peace be with you, tim christina cole camden george |